When we were in China, E fell asleep standing up in her Pack and Play. No matter how much we tried to comfort her, she was so tense, so terrified, that she would stand up until she collapsed into a sad puddle. We were all a sad puddle. She wouldn't even sit on the bed to watch TV or relax with us...it was as if being so close to us strangers was just too much.
When we got home from China, E briefly took to her bed in her room, but then we decided to move her into a Pack and Play in our room. That night, she fell asleep looking at us in our bed.
The next night, we tried the Pack and Play again. Mama was in bed, looking into E's eyes, and E stood up and motioned that she wanted to get in bed with me. At first I didn't even know what she meant, because she had never wanted to even sit with me. I picked her up and plopped her beside me, and she absolutely beamed with happiness! She froze up when P tried to join us, but as soon as he left, she played and giggled and touched my face and hair. It seemed like she wanted to get close to me, to see what I'm all about.
We moved the slumber party to E's bed for the past few nights. We play and giggle and she falls asleep. It's like our secret time, and she clearly feels very safe. I don't cuddle her, because I don't want to push it. But tonight, little E took my hand and wrapped my arm around her tight. When I moved it for a minute to scratch my nose, she grabbed it again and wrapped it around her tiny body. Every time I moved my hand, she pulled it to her tight.
Velcro baby? Anxious attachment? Yes, both. But I am this little angel's mother, and in the short time I've known her, I've seen the changes. I've seen her open up. I've seen her crave my kisses and affection. I kiss her boo boos 50 times a day, and now she wants me close, when only a short time ago, she pushed me away.
Tiny steps, for a tiny princess.
It's late...pictures soon.