Ugh...Stuck

Tonight I went over to the Executive Lounge and made myself a very special Chinese drink.  It's called RUM.  Only because they had no vodka.  Oy, things are tough here.

To be fair, things were going fairly well, or at least fairly well in the realm of trying to care for and bond with an extremely traumatized child.  The good news is that R has lots of happy moments, smiling, playing, being friendly with us.  She accepts affection from both of us sometimes, and has even returned the occasional kiss.  Last night, she literally covered E with kisses.  Her belly, her legs, her face, her arms.  At other times, she is very, very, very, very, very, sad/mad/scared.  She puts her pointer finger of her left hand in her mouth and will scream for hours.  She won't accept being held or bribed with candy or even looked at during these moments.  She just gives us the "Rosie Headshake."  It's hard.

But the headline right now is that we are stuck.  Literally STUCK.  For anyone who hasn't heard yet, the US Embassy is closed due to an "incident."  By now, it's hitting the news, so you can read about it rather than hear it from me, as I was told by our agency director not to repeat anything I heard.

So, the truth is, we're stuck in China and want to come home.  E is throwing up her brains from God know's what.  R is throwing herself on the floor, screaming, sad and grieving.  We're running out of new toys to introduce, stickers, snacks, and clothes.  My Lord, it's 150% humidity here and I really don't want to recycle any more clothes.  (yes, practical people, I know we can do laundry.)  We want to get home, get into our "normal" life and routines.  I actually want to COOK AND CLEAN.  YES, I WANT TO CLEAN MY OWN TOILET.  I don't want the gorgeous breakfast buffet anymore.  I don't want amazing dim sum.  I don't want to ride an elevator to go to my bed.  I don't want to see the beautiful Shamian Island, that I love so much.  I want to go home.  See my family.  See my MOTHER who I missed so terribly on Mother's Day.  The first EVER ever didn't see her.  I want to see my dad and my sister.  I want E to dry heave in her own toilet.  I want R to grieve and cry herself to sleep in her own bed.  I want to fall asleep in MY own bed.

China isn't a vacation.  I've said it a million times.  But, you set yourself up for a certain number of days of this non-vacation.  Then, you take a horrible plane ride and are greeted by the faces whom you love the most.  The people you miss so badly and lift you up during this crazy time.  The hard times end, and yet they begin.  But not now.  Not tomorrow.  Who knows when.  Stuck.  Stuck.  Stuck....

I want to send my HEARTFELT thanks to everyone who has prayed for us, thought about us, pulled for us. To my family, who stopped their lives when they heard the news about the consulate just to sit by their Skype--CONSTANTLY.  To the people I have NEVER met in the adoption community and thalassemia community who have tagged me 500 times on Facebook just to say they are thinking about us.  To Expedia, for cancelling an un-cancellable  reservation because of the situation. To the Shifu for being so amazingly accommodating and extending our stay--when I'm SURE they wanted us gone.  To our agency's in-China staff for standing by us during this time.  To my girls.  For just BEING-sad, happy, puking, crying, whatever.  To P, for being amazing even though he's sick with R's cold.

We're stuck, yes.  Tired, sick, sweaty, sad, homesick.  Scared that E is due for a transfusion NEXT WEDNESDAY.  Scared that R is due for a transfusion...well, who knows when.  But, we're still happy.  Happy to be a family.  Growing, struggling, experiencing life in whatever way that it's thrown at us.  Thank you for holding us up, all of you.

Here's what you want...

Hung over from jumping on the bed until after midnight.

E and Mama. 

Happy!

E is airborne here!

Love!

More pics to follow from our Consulate day, but my internet is running VEEEEEEEEEEEEEERY slowly now...