Monday, December 24, 2012

Holiday Thoughts

This family has sure been Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree this holiday season, and it has been amazing.  We've looked at lights, sung carols, watched all of the requisite TV specials, trimmed the tree, gone shopping together, named our very own Elf, and read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" countless times.  We even saw a real reindeer right near our neighborhood!  Yesterday, E and I baked cookies and made my Nana's recipe for fudge.  Andy Williams and Dean Martin were playing holiday classics in the background, my daughter had a mouthful of chocolate chips and was covered in sticky Fluff and my kitchen was covered in powdered sugar.  I stopped, looked, and listened and thought to myself, "Yes, this is what it's all about." 

At E's 3rd birthday party, one of my favorite relatives who we hadn't seen in awhile asked P how he was doing.  His response:  "I'm living the dream."  And if that sounds as candy-coated as my kitchen right now, it's not.  That doesn't mean that it's perfect or easy, but we never expected it to be perfect or easy.  But it's truly wonderful.

So, then, what are we complaining about?

It's Rosie.  She's in China, we are here, and it's Christmas.  I know, I know...those of you who know us or have followed our adoption journeys are saying, "But what's the big deal?  E was in China last should be old pros at this!  You already sang 'Blue Christmas' last year!"

Well, this year it's worse.  Does that sound like a slight against E?  I suppose it does.  But, in fact, it's actually the exact opposite.  It is because of E that we are missing our second daughter so much this Christmas.  Before E, we weren't parents.  So, the whole idea of having a child was just that--an idea.  We said, "I bet it will be so amazing to have a little daughter to celebrate the holidays with!"  Now, we know how wonderful it is to celebrate every holiday, every birthday, and every Tuesday with your child.  It's not just the idea of little feet running's actually hearing those little feet, feeling those tight hugs, smelling her soft hair, and seeing her bright smile.  Like P said, "Now I know what all of the fuss was about." 

So, this year, we will celebrate this Christmas like no other before it.  It will be bigger, happier, warmer, and more full of love than ever.  But, it will also be harder because while we look and see the joy in E's eyes, we'll know what we are missing.


Kelly said...

It is SOOOO hard having your baby waiting in China while you are waiting at home, especially at Christmas. Hang in there and live in the moment with E knowing next year will be even MORE joy filled and the kitchen will be just that much more sugar coated!!!

Maureen said...

Tracy, I have been following your blog for a long time (before you went to China!) and I love it. Your family is adorable! E is just the cutest thing. I am was so happy to read you are going back to China. I can really relate to this post .. we are waiting to be matched right now and our Christmas this year felt very bittersweet. Anyway, just wanted to say hi and Merry Christmas and I look forward to following your journey to Rosie. She is beautiful!