The other day Emmie was prancing around the house saying "Bibby-Bobby-Boo" [sic] and waving an unsharpened pencil like her magic wand. The whole pencil thing seemed so lame that I decided it was time to go out and buy her a "real" magic wand. Being the frugal mother I am, I figured we'd try the Dollar Tree first. I mean, you can buy a magic wand for 25 bucks at some of the boutiquey toy stores, but for that kind of money, it had better erase my wrinkles and clean my floors so I don't have to look like shabby-maid Cinderella anymore. Given that we'd likely lose or break the wand in a week or so, the Dollar Tree it was.
When I told Emmie we were going out to buy a magic wand, she started jumping and screaming with joy. Of course, Rosie did, too, although she had no idea what the excitement was all about. We piled in the car on our magical adventure and as luck would have it, the Dollar Tree had a brand new display with lots of magic wands and even fairy wings! Emmie was out of her mind with excitement. Rosie was excited, too, although she was equally as excited by a pack of 10 pastel-colored plastic shot glasses that we saw.
So, $4.25 later we were piling back in the car with two magic wands and two pairs of fairy wings. That's when Emmie said, "Thank you, Mama. No one ever got me a magic wand in China." And I cried. I mean, I just bawled. Thank goodness I wear huge sunglasses. I was reduced to a puddle, standing in the parking lot of the Dollar Tree, covered in glitter shedding from the fairy wings.
Now, don't get me wrong, this is the same child who has told me that her foster mother took her to the beach EVERY day, and that the only thing she ever ate with her foster family was cake. But, it just made me think that even though Emmie had no idea what she was saying, that it was probably true. Or, maybe it wasn't, who knows...I'll never know exactly what she had or didn't have. But I do know that her clothes had holes in them and her shoes never fit, so she probably didn't have lots of magic wands. Still, I do believe she had a lot of love from her foster family, which is really all that matters. With Rosie, well, that's a big question, too.
It sort of got my head spinning thinking of all of the questions that are yet to come. Emmie has already asked me why she had a foster family and Rosie didn't, and why Rosie lived in the "bad orphanage" - Emmie's words, not mine. Our visit to Foshan Shunde clearly left an impression on her. Understandably so. It left one on all of us.
The questions are little now, but they are going to get bigger and harder. All we can do is love our girls, tell them their stories, and keep open and honest hearts. And, in the meantime, I'm kicking myself for not buying that fancy $25 magic wand. Or, maybe buying 25 of the $1 magic wands. To try and make up for whatever they missed.
|A $1 magic wand and 25 times more kisses is just as good as a $25 magic wand.|
This post is dedicated to a dear friend of mine who passed away way, way, way too soon. A beautiful, funny, kind, warm woman, who I didn't see nearly enough, but she followed everything about the girls. She loved Disney, and I'm sure she'd love to see the girls with their magic wands and hear that Emmie loves Cinderella. My heart goes out to her wonderful family. Rest in peace, Claudia. You will be terribly missed. xoxo