We Chose Adoption

I am well aware of the fact that most everyone comes to this blog to (1) see cute pictures of E, or (2) read about adopting a child with thalassemia.  And I love that and think it's great but this post is about neither, so sorry to disappoint.  But, it's my blog, and I need to blow off some steam.

Our family gets comments wherever we go, most welcome, some not.  I remember reading before we adopted from China that when you are an obviously multi-ethnic family, you are sort of resigning yourselves to the fact that you will be noticed, and you will get comments. 

Now, I think that some of the more overly-sensitive people out there have made it so that well-meaning people are terrified to say anything, myself included.  More than once, someone has sheepishly sidled up to me, eyes downturned, and said with a shaky voice, "I'm sorry, but...." and then they go on to make a very nice comment about our family, perhaps telling me about their own adoption story.  This is no problem, and I wish more people felt like it was OK to say hi.

But recently, there has been an influx of comments of another type.  This weekend, we went to dinner at an old-school Chinese-Polynesian restaurant.  We walked in and received some glares, but they quickly turned to smiles when everyone saw how cute E is.  Our waitress immediately took to E and seemed friendly enough, even asking where E was from.  "Oh, Guangxi, yes, they don't like the girls there, that was so nice of you, she's a lucky baby" was her response.  OK, wrong on so many levels, in fact every level I can think of, but I wasn't ready to walk out yet.  Every time she came to the table, she offered some advice, such as, "Keep your baby out of the sun.  Chinese people do not like the sun and getting freckles like Americans" and I just kept sipping on my cocktail, served in a coconut with a little umbrella, thinking about the 3 umbrellas E sits under at the beach, with her SPF 50+ hat, slathered in Water Babies 70.  No problem, she's just offering advice.  But then the waitress came in with a big one, one that no drink could be strong enough to repel:  "You know, now that you are taking care of your baby, you will have an internal mother instinct that will allow you to make your own baby.  I know someone who adopted a baby and the love she had made her body be able to have 3 of her own!"  And then, the final whammy, directed towards *E*, no less:  "Sleep in your own bed so that Mama and Daddy can have a baby!"  I. Almost. Died.  Although the funniest part was when the waitress turned around to walk away, E pointed at her and said, "Cuckoo!!!"  E, you are wise beyond your 2 years.

Now, there are lots of things wrong with this, and I don't just mean that my drink wasn't strong enough or that the rice noodles were a little greasy or that the waitress was indeed cuckoo.  We chose adoption over biology.  We thought about all of the options that we had for creating a family, and immediately knew that adoption was our first choice.  I know that some others come to the amazingness of adoption for other reasons, but we didn't, and that's a fact and something I'm happy about and proud of.  Adoption was Plan A.  Always.  And sometimes--not always--it just bugs me that most everyone is erroneously assuming about how our family came to be, and to be the recipient of unnecessary sympathy.  No, it doesn't matter what this silly waitress thinks, or the lady across the street, or the librarian at story hour.  But, well, it just isn't true.  And it's not true for a lot of other adoptive families out there, either.

Later that night when we were over laughing/crying/ranting about the waitress' inappropriate comments and saying how they should owe us free Pu-Pu Platters for life, we were strolling around and stopped into a candy store to get E some dots.  You know, the candy dots on a strip of paper where you are really eating a little candy and a lot of paper.  Those.  P quietly asked me if I was OK, knowing that this issue bugs me-well, us--sometimes.  I looked at E holding on to her dots for dear life, her cute little tongue all blue and smiled, "Yes, I'm great."  I turned around and noticed a lovely woman gazing at E, too.  The woman said, "She's gorgeous-look at those eyes!  Is she from China?"  I replied, "Thanks, and yes, she's originally from China."  The woman, who was leaning against the candy counter turned around revealing herself and said, "I looked into adopting from China, too, and then this finally happened," as she pointed at her huge pregnant belly.  P and I smiled at her and at each other, took each other's hand, and strolled our sticky-fingered, blue-tongued little angel (OK, sometimes devil) out of the store, shaking our heads.

That's a beautiful thing for you, but we chose something equally as beautiful.  Adoption.  Yes...First.

Okay, okay...one picture.
Cabana girl, Labor Day 2012, Cape Cod.

More Summer Fun

Our lawn may be a little overgrown, and that shelf over there looks pretty dusty, but we have been having some great weekends with E this month!

August started out with our annual trip to Boothbay Harbor, Maine.  It has been so much fun visiting all of these places that we went to last year and dreamt about bringing E to.  Sure, it's little more chaotic and a lot less relaxing, but we are enjoying every minute together as a family.  We took E on a ferry ride in the harbor that she loved.  She enjoyed looking for buoys and yelling out what colors they were.  We ate ice cream, visited quiet little harbors, took long walks, and shopped around.  Of course E's favorite part was probably playing with the telephone in the hotel room, but that's OK.  As long as she's having a good time.

E loves lobsters.  Eating them, too.

Our budding photographer.

Our next big event was the August Moon Festival in Chinatown.  We absolutely loved it!  We enjoyed browsing through the vendors, watching the dragon performances, eating yummy street food, and E had a panda painted on her arm.  We even met some other very friendly adoptive families.  It was a super time.

E loves iced milk tea.

This past weekend was packed with fun, starting with the Fisherman's Feast in the North End.  I've been to lots and lots of feasts, but I have never had as much fun as I had this time with E.  She had an absolute blast.  When she heard the band soundchecking some Frankie Valli tunes, she started dancing and when they stopped, she would say, "more more!"  The girl knows good music!  She ate arancini, chicken parm calzone, pepperoni pizza, and lots of whipped cream from our iced mocha.  She danced around to one of the vendors who was playing "O Sole Mio" as a crowd gathered.  At Caffe Vittoria, we sat right in the open window and she waved to passerby as they yelled, "Ciao, Bella!"  It was a great time.

Bargaining with a street vendor?  Or bargaining with us to stay longer?

Truer words were never written on a cheap feast t-shirt.

Placing her order?  A large iced mocha, hold the mocha, just give me the whipped cream?

We rounded out the weekend with a trip up to York Animal Kingdom.   We weren't sure if E would be brave enough to go on the kiddie rides herself, but silly us, of course she was!  She had an awesome time going on the rides and waving to us, full of giggles and smiles.  She loves any ride where she thinks she is driving, especially the bumper boats where she actually was driving.  Although, a pool full of 2 and 3 year olds driving bumper boats really just ends up in one big huge traffic jam in the corner of the pool, but they loved it anyways.  We ended our day in Maine with some fried seafood at Bobs in Kittery.  E loved the french fries, potatoes from the clam chowder, and my clam strips.  Baba and I loved it, too, and I think Baba is trying to brainwash E to ask to eat there every weekend.

 

 

She even looks cute as a clam.

 

Summer may be winding down around here, but we are keeping the fun going!

Summer, Summer, Summer

Well, I only have time to take a breath to write because we are having lousy weather in our area.  It seems like for the entire month we have been going, going, going.  Enjoying the beach and being outside and being together.

Earlier this month we attended the Cooley's Anemia Foundation Patient-Family conference.  I actually had the honor of speaking on my favorite subject, adoption!  I obviously come to this from a very unique perspective, having thalassemia and adopting a child with thalassemia.  E and I are a one-of-a-kind pair!  Many of the attendees were moved to tears by our family's story.  The conference was amazing, it was great seeing old friends and making some new ones.  Little E was quite the celebrity, and she really tore up the dance floor at the dinner dance. 

E's transfusion this month was the toughest one yet.  Even with special "vein finder" lights, 4 different nurses and IV specialists, tons of hydration, and a VERY cooperative patient, it took 6 tries to get her IV in.  Still, E was so strong (in fact, she was tougher than she needed to be) and didn't even cry until the last couple of sticks.  By then, she had enough.  Poor baby.  It was interesting, though, yesterday I went to have some labs done and E was all excited to come with me and "hold me."  She was all smiles when we signed in, when we went into the drawing room, as they put the turniquet on, and so on, but the minute the needle went in, she WAILED like she has never wailed for her own sticks!  She was holding my hand and crying, "Mama!" and was so, so, so sad.  It took quite a while to calm her down and reassure her that I was OK.  She is such a gentle soul, and VERY protective of her Mama!

All of that "business" aside, we've spent a lot of time going to different beaches and enjoying the sand, sun, and COLD water.  Of course, no matter how cold, it doesn't seem to phase E (although, the seaweed does!).  We've visited Footbridge Beach in Ogunquit, Rye Beach, and Good Harbor Beach for daytrips and loved them all, but the highlight was our stay at my aunt and uncle's house on Cape Cod.  E had such a wonderful time, and it brought back memories of when I was a child at the Cape.  I remember last summer when we were at the same aunt and uncle's house, we were so nervous waiting for the final version of our home study to be ready.  I can remember talking about how much we were all looking forward to meeting E, and being able to share the Cape and our family with her.  Well, our time together this year was even more incredible than we dreamt it would be.  Just like every experience we have had with our daughter.

In "Big's" truck.  This might have been one of E's favorite parts of our trip to Cape Cod.

My 22 year old cousin, "Tiny", graciously celebrated his birthday with an Elmo party.

Bye-bye, Cape Cod!  See you again soon!

Happy Fourth!

Today was such a special Fourth of July for our family since it was E's first Independence Day as a US citizen!  We celebrated it in style with fireworks, lobster rolls, a ride on the carousel at Frog Pond, our first trip on the Swan Boats, and of course a cookout!

Happy Fourth from our family's newest (and cutest!) US citizen!

Adoption Video

We are so excited to be able to unveil our adoption video!  We just had a private showing with the VIPs, so it's ready for the blogosphere!

Originally it started out as a video of our adoption trip and return home, but as time went by and we grew more and more (and happier and happier!) as a family, it sort of became a chronicle of our first 5-plus months together.

So, without further ado, here ya go....

Father's Day

Today I'd like to wish a very Happy First Father's Day to Baba, and a Happy Father's Day to Grampy.

It's funny how my two favorite men can be so different in many ways, but also very much alike.

One is often the chattiest person in the room.  The other is usually the quietest.  One loves to dance, the other you'd have to drag out on the floor.  One is the handiest do-it-yourselfer and fixit guy around.  The other, well, not so much.  One likes to play a little Blackjack at the casino, the other likes to drink cocktails at the casino.  One eats anything you put in front of him, the other is a tad picky, shall we say.

But in so many important ways, they are the same.  They both would do anything for you.  Neither looks for recognition on praise.  They are both trustworthy and loyal.  They are smart.  Neither puts himself first, always the people they love.  They are funny, strong, and reliable.  They both love their families with everything they have.

So, here's to "both" of my favorite guys on this Father's Day.  And a special shout out to Grampy with the Red Hair (who did not have red hair, but Nana did) who once wrote in my autograph book, "To my little friend who always tries to steal my beer" (a harbinger of what was yet to come?) and let me dance on his feet.  And Grampy with the Piano (not sure the piano was his, either) who was the best beach buddy ever and let us knock pinecones out of the trees to burn in his barbeque pit down the Cape.

E's Father's Day gift for her #1 guy.

E and Grampy just hanging out and having a chat.

Baba's Birthday!

We had a great time celebrating P's birthday with a surprise Elmo party (everyone in our family has an Elmo party) at Nana and Grampy's house.  Everyone chipped in and made tons of food, and the highlight was that Auntie Sue Sue even made special matching t-shirts for everyone to mark the occassion!  (When I say made, I mean made them, not ordered them online.  She actually silk screened the shirts with P's last name and "40" on the back, making them look like Red Sox away jerseys.)

Since E and I already gave P his birthday present (our getaway weekend to Cape Cod), E just picked out a few things at the Dollar Store for Baba.  It was so funny to see what she picked out for him and how excited she was to be doing her own shopping.  E also helped me bake the Elmo cake and wrap all of the presents.  She's such a good helper!

Birthday parties are E's favorite thing in the world right now.  She gets so excited about them, even though we haven't celebrated hers yet.  She loves giving presents, opening them, singing "Happy Birthday", and blowing out the candles (over and over....).

Making a wish!  (Someone already has black frosting on her teeth!)

Very excited to open the Princess puzzle she picked out for Baba.

So much good food and the little joker wants to eat her bib.

"Both" horns (for those of you who don't know, "both" is Emmie's favorite word right now).

Matching "40" shirts courtesy of Auntie.

Just chillin'.  E picked this pose.