Double Your Pleasure

What ever do you do when you are sharing SO much fun, SO much happiness, SO much love that you just want more?  How about twice the laughter, twice the adorableness, twice the thalassemia?

Meet R.
(Don't feel bad for asking if it's E when she was little.  Everyone does.)

Yes, here we go again.  Get out your fork and start twirlin'.  Find your chopsticks and start slurpin'.  There's going to be twice the noodles in this house and boy are we thrilled.  Mama and Baba are dancing in the streets, and little E is in on all of the excitement, too.  (No, USCIS, we do not let E dance in the street.  Usually.)

I think somewhere, way in the back of my now dulled SAHM brain, I always knew we'd do this again.  P was a little quicker than I was to get back in the saddle, so to speak.  But not long after things started settling in and feeling "normal" with E, I started looking around at files of children casually.  I knew I wanted E to have a sister (I have one) and I knew I wanted that sister to be from China.  I also knew that I wanted that sister to have thalassemia (mine does not).  But even when I saw a file that seemed to "fit the bill" on paper, I still wasn't feeling it.

Until this:

R.  Born December 1, 2010.  Guangdong Province, China.
Her file says her favorite activity is riding the "Trojans".  Obviously, that is true.

Stop the presses.  We are in love.  Yes, all over again.  Like the song:  "It feels like the first time.  It feels like the very first time."  I knew it the minute I saw her sweet face.  She's The One.  Er, well, the second "The One".

Like with E, we wanted to find our child ourselves rather than being matched with one.  Therefore, we were (again) a man without a country.  A family without an agency.  So when we heard about R becoming available for adoption, we were again in the crazy scramble of not only putting together our LOI, but also signing on with a new agency.  But we worked lightning fast, submitted LOI, and had PA three days (!!) later, on November 13.  We have been in a tizzy of homestudy visits and paperwork madness since then.  Throw in Thanksgiving, a very special Third Birthday, a not-so-special Mama birthday, several colds, a few parties to attend and St. Nick breathing down our necks and you've got one stressed out Mama and Baba.  But every time I feel like I can't breathe, I look at E, and am reminded why the hand-wringing and sleepless nights and anxiety over stupid pieces of paper is worth it.  NOTHING is more worth it.  Yes, I'd do it all over again.  And, we are.

Emmie's now a Jie Jie!

We realize that our daughters are unique and will experience their lives on a very individual level, but we are so happy that they will have each other.  They will have the shared experiences of being adopted, being part of a transracial family, and having thalassemia.   They way they navigate all of this will differ, but they will have someone there as a source of support when they need it.

So now we wait.  And just like with E, we want R here yesterday and will do everything in our power to get her here safely and quickly.  Just like E said, "Emmie, Mama, Baba...Go China, get Roe-rie!"

Look who's 3!

We've had so much fun this year celebrating E's 3rd birthday--her first birthday with us!  Since it was her first birthday with our family, we thought we'd make a big deal out of it and have a party at a great Chinese restaurant with our entire extended family.  We are so lucky to have such a wonderful family who has embraced E with wide open arms and lots of love and affection.  E was a little shy at first being the center of so much attention, but she soon warmed right up and was soaking it all right up!  It was a great day with lots of love and laughter and yummy food!

Giving Thanks

P and I have always felt very thankful for all of the wonderful things in our lives, most importantly our family and each other.  But, like with everything else since January 9, this Thanksgiving is so much different.  E is the pinnacle of everything we have to be thankful for.  Every turn we took, decision we made, and sign we followed led us right to her.  So today, like every day, we are thankful for our beautiful daughter who has brought so much to our lives, even more than we could have ever imagined.

Last Thanksgiving we were thankful that our long wait to meet E was finally moving towards the home stretch.  This year, I am so thankful for the sounds of giggly laughter, joyous squeals, and not-so-light-on-her-feet footsteps ringing through our house.  I am thankful that during our nighttime cuddle, even though our noses are touching, E says, "Closer, Mama."  I am thankful for the excellent medical care E is receiving.  I am thankful to be married to a man who followed my dream and made it his own, knowing that adoption is an equally wonderful way to make a family.  I am thankful to watch P and E's relationship blossom, and that P is E's favorite playmate.  I am thankful to the family and friends who lifted us up on our journey, one that has not been for the faint of heart.  I am thankful for each tantrum E throws, because it shows me that she has let her guard down, and that she can be herself without fearing that we'll turn away from her.  We are thankful to be called Mama and Baba (even if it's 1498 times a day) and to know a love that is absolutely like no other.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Happiest Halloween!

Last year, we had to "dress up" E in a virtual Cookie Monster costume to while away the time as we slogged along through the The Big Wait.  This year we had the time of our lives dressing her up right here in the flesh in our home.  What a difference a year makes.

I'm not really a Halloween person, or I haven't been since about the age of 10.  But I also wasn't a Wiggles person, an Elmo person, a motherly person, an amusement park person, or a person who likes to get sandy at the beach.  Now, I'm all of those things and more.  Well, OK, I still don't like to get sandy at the beach.

E has made everything in our lives so new and different.  She has given meaning to absolutely every little thing, every little moment, in a way that I just didn't know was possible.  I could barely sleep last night, I was so excited to dress her up and make all of those trick-or-treating books we've been reading come alive for her.

Baba and I kept looking at each other as we walked through the streets of our little neighborhood, just amazed at how much fun we were having because of how much fun she was having.  She would go up to the door with Baba and ring the bell.  Heaven forbid there was a dog barking, she'd turn squealing into Baba's legs.  When someone answered the door she'd say in her tiny little voice, "Tri-O-Treeeeeeee" followed up by a little "Tayn You!" and then:  "Next House!"  And off she'd go looking for "No Ruff Ruff Ruff!" and "More KEEEEY!"  (That's, NO DOG, MORE CANDY)  When we got back home, I was delighted to see that she was just as happy to give candy out to trick-or-treaters as she was to collect the loot herself. 

Tonight I'm sitting here amazed, like I do many nights when I think of our day with our daughter, and all of the wonderful ways in which our lives have turned upside down.  How could a silly holiday focused on candy and costumes feel so special?  Because of E.  Because we have this wonderful little package to share everything with, to see life in a new way through her beautiful eyes.

I'm talking too much, I know.  You just want pics so here they are.  Plus--as all parents out there know--it's time for us to go and raid the candy. 

Picking pumpkins!

Carving pumpkins!

The cutest Pumpkin!

Food for Thought

On Friday I had the opportunity to visit my alma mater, Simmons College, to attend a panel discussion:  "Transracial Adoption: Personal, Policy, and Practice Perspectives."  The discussion was filled with rich information, and was led by Margorie Margolies, an inspiring woman and great speaker.  The presentations included both research on and personal experiences with transracial adoption, and provided a lot of food for thought for my long ride home in traffic and beyond.  What identity am I projecting on to my daughter?  How will she see her own identity?  How do others here see her, and how will others in her birth country see her?  Lots of questions that don't have answers yet, but it was also good to hear the panel underscore a few points that I already knew:  the evolution of E's identity (and ours as a family) must be a fluid thing, and parenting an internationally adopted child requires a very different--and expanded--toolbox than that of a family created through biology.

It was upliting to hear some of the ways in which transracial adoption has progressed over the years, but it was also interesting to discover that some things haven't changed much at all.  "Is she from China?" was asked 20 years ago, and is still asked today on a trip to the supermarket.  But Ms. Margolies reminded us that people who ask questions and make comments are rarely trying to be hurtful.  I know that some people--myself included at times--are quick to snap at the lady at the checkout counter who is just trying to make conversation, or perhaps create an opening to share her own adoption story.

I learned a lot, had the chance to meet some considerably more experienced adoptive parents than I, and of course chimed in to share our adoption story (which was warmly received with lots of smiles).  Since I often look to the internet or books to inform myself about adoption related issues, it was nice to experience such a wealth of knowledge right here in my own backyard.

Fifteen years ago Simmons looked a lot different, I looked a lot different (yes, I was blond for a time), and adoption was only a dream I had.  It was nice to be back there today, dream realized,  participating in a discussion of the one thing that has become most important in this woman's life.

Fall Fun!

After a long transfusion day yesterday and climbing out from under piles of laundry, sand, mail, and dust bunnies from our vacation (post to come later), it was great to have some good New England fall fun today.  Of course it was freakishly warm (80) to be apple picking, so it didn't exactly feel like fall.  But the smell of ripe apples in the orchard and warm cider donuts at the farm stand definitely said, "Fall in New England" to me.

E was so excited to go apple picking.  Perhaps too excited, I thought.  We had pumped it up so much this week talking about it, pantomiming picking apples off imaginary trees, making our bedtime stories about apple picking that E was literally bouncing off the walls with excitement when it came time go to today.  The entire ride to the orchard--including a nasty bout of traffic on 95--she kept saying, "pick apple?  pick apple?" to the point that I asked P if maybe she somehow thought we were picking apples at an amusement park or at the beach or that the apples were really chocolate.  But, to my utter glee, when we arrived at the orchard and she saw what apple picking is with her own beautiful eyes, she was even more excited.

We rode a tractor to the orchard and E told us that she liked the tractor better than "mama blue car."  When we arrived at the orchard, she took off running into the trees and started picking apples (perfect twist and pull technique, I might add) faster than we could get out the Canon.  She proceeded to pick "tiny" E apples, throwing one into the bag, and eating another at the same time.

E giggled and laughed and danced to the bluegrass band and ate and had a great time.  It was beautiful to take it all in through her eyes, to watch her riding on her Baba's shoulders "up high" to pick the perfect apple, and to share this wonderful fall family tradition with our daughter.

Yesterday, considerably less fun than today, but at least we only had
two sticks!

Apples!

She would not put down the apple for one second to smile for
a picture!

"Wow, this thing really IS quite delicious!"

See a theme here?  Every pic she's got an apple
in her mouth!

I love you, a bushel and a peck!
A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck!

Riding the tractor that she likes better than my car.

Pumpkin cutie!

Cute under the donut sign, but she did NOT like the cider donuts.

Hmmm....which pumpkin do I want to pick?

And, my favorite...E was the first person at the orchard to put a
pin near Liuzhou, Guangxi China!!!  Yay!

We Chose Adoption

I am well aware of the fact that most everyone comes to this blog to (1) see cute pictures of E, or (2) read about adopting a child with thalassemia.  And I love that and think it's great but this post is about neither, so sorry to disappoint.  But, it's my blog, and I need to blow off some steam.

Our family gets comments wherever we go, most welcome, some not.  I remember reading before we adopted from China that when you are an obviously multi-ethnic family, you are sort of resigning yourselves to the fact that you will be noticed, and you will get comments. 

Now, I think that some of the more overly-sensitive people out there have made it so that well-meaning people are terrified to say anything, myself included.  More than once, someone has sheepishly sidled up to me, eyes downturned, and said with a shaky voice, "I'm sorry, but...." and then they go on to make a very nice comment about our family, perhaps telling me about their own adoption story.  This is no problem, and I wish more people felt like it was OK to say hi.

But recently, there has been an influx of comments of another type.  This weekend, we went to dinner at an old-school Chinese-Polynesian restaurant.  We walked in and received some glares, but they quickly turned to smiles when everyone saw how cute E is.  Our waitress immediately took to E and seemed friendly enough, even asking where E was from.  "Oh, Guangxi, yes, they don't like the girls there, that was so nice of you, she's a lucky baby" was her response.  OK, wrong on so many levels, in fact every level I can think of, but I wasn't ready to walk out yet.  Every time she came to the table, she offered some advice, such as, "Keep your baby out of the sun.  Chinese people do not like the sun and getting freckles like Americans" and I just kept sipping on my cocktail, served in a coconut with a little umbrella, thinking about the 3 umbrellas E sits under at the beach, with her SPF 50+ hat, slathered in Water Babies 70.  No problem, she's just offering advice.  But then the waitress came in with a big one, one that no drink could be strong enough to repel:  "You know, now that you are taking care of your baby, you will have an internal mother instinct that will allow you to make your own baby.  I know someone who adopted a baby and the love she had made her body be able to have 3 of her own!"  And then, the final whammy, directed towards *E*, no less:  "Sleep in your own bed so that Mama and Daddy can have a baby!"  I. Almost. Died.  Although the funniest part was when the waitress turned around to walk away, E pointed at her and said, "Cuckoo!!!"  E, you are wise beyond your 2 years.

Now, there are lots of things wrong with this, and I don't just mean that my drink wasn't strong enough or that the rice noodles were a little greasy or that the waitress was indeed cuckoo.  We chose adoption over biology.  We thought about all of the options that we had for creating a family, and immediately knew that adoption was our first choice.  I know that some others come to the amazingness of adoption for other reasons, but we didn't, and that's a fact and something I'm happy about and proud of.  Adoption was Plan A.  Always.  And sometimes--not always--it just bugs me that most everyone is erroneously assuming about how our family came to be, and to be the recipient of unnecessary sympathy.  No, it doesn't matter what this silly waitress thinks, or the lady across the street, or the librarian at story hour.  But, well, it just isn't true.  And it's not true for a lot of other adoptive families out there, either.

Later that night when we were over laughing/crying/ranting about the waitress' inappropriate comments and saying how they should owe us free Pu-Pu Platters for life, we were strolling around and stopped into a candy store to get E some dots.  You know, the candy dots on a strip of paper where you are really eating a little candy and a lot of paper.  Those.  P quietly asked me if I was OK, knowing that this issue bugs me-well, us--sometimes.  I looked at E holding on to her dots for dear life, her cute little tongue all blue and smiled, "Yes, I'm great."  I turned around and noticed a lovely woman gazing at E, too.  The woman said, "She's gorgeous-look at those eyes!  Is she from China?"  I replied, "Thanks, and yes, she's originally from China."  The woman, who was leaning against the candy counter turned around revealing herself and said, "I looked into adopting from China, too, and then this finally happened," as she pointed at her huge pregnant belly.  P and I smiled at her and at each other, took each other's hand, and strolled our sticky-fingered, blue-tongued little angel (OK, sometimes devil) out of the store, shaking our heads.

That's a beautiful thing for you, but we chose something equally as beautiful.  Adoption.  Yes...First.

Okay, okay...one picture.
Cabana girl, Labor Day 2012, Cape Cod.